SO FULL OF CHRIST

I THOUGHT YOU WERE HIM

   A man driving outside of Baltimore, Maryland was southbound on
   Interstate 95 in the far right hand lane traveling at 55 mph, minding
   his own business. He noticed in his rear view mirror that a Maryland
   State Trooper was right behind him. A mile later nothing changed,
   except now he's driving at 65 mph, the maximum limit. Several miles
   further along, the Trooper's right on his bumper and the man increases
   his speed to 75 mph. The Trooper activates his lights and siren and
   the man reluctantly pulls onto the shoulder.
  
   After the Trooper demands the man's driver's license and registration,
   he sez, "Mr. {Smith}, I cannot for the life of me figure out why, when
   you knew I was behind you for quite some time, you sped up knowing
   that you could be cited for speeding. What in the world caused you to
   do that ?
  
   The man looked relieved, stared the Trooper directly in the eye and
   softly spoke, "Trooper, three months ago, my wife ran off with a
   Maryland State Trooper. I thought you were him, bringing her back."

OMG!!! HE FORGET *F*

YOUR WIFE IS BETTER

Two men visit a prostitute.
The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck. My wife is better than that.’
The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says,
‘yAH, YOU ARE RIGHT ! You know? Your wife IS better.’

Casting... Omg.

MINE IS ALREADY EATING BANANAS

Anna realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair."
Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

THAT DAMN MOSQUITO

He came in the middle of the night. He sucked, liked and explored my body. And when he was satisfied he left. I was hurt... That damn mosquito!

YOU WON'T BRING IT BACK

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian replies " Fuck off, you won't bring it back!".