I LIKE HOW YOU ARE THINKING 1

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Johnny says, "None."
The teacher asks, "Why?"
Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off."
The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"
The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."
Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

SUCH A GOOD HEART

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?”
He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

ROSES ARE RED,LOL

Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

WHY I GOT DIVORCED

Why did I get divorced?
Well, last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids.
I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

LONG SILENT FART

An elderly couple are in church.
The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?"
The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"

OMG only God knows.

THE FAT COW

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Man transformed into a woman

Meet Muslim Man Who Transitioned Into Woman (Photos)

Transgender model Amelia Maltepe, 23, hopes to become the next Miss World – despite being born male
The  glamour model who grew up like every normal Muslim child in Bangladesh spent £8,000 on breast implants in 2012 to give her a 34D chest. Although she has not done the full gender reassignment surgery, Amelia’s highest hopes in life is winning the coveted Miss World title, not minding she was born a man.
The business accounting student co-habits with her 28-year-old personal trainer boyfriend, Charles Dubuc. Talking about how he met her transgender girlfriend and how he feels knowing she was born a male, Charles Dubuc said: ‘I didn’t realise Amelia was transgender initially but when she told me I wasn’t put off. ‘It was more difficult in the beginning when she was still in the early stages of transitioning and wore a wig.

‘However, now it’s not an issue for us, I love the person she is. I tell people we’re a special couple and that my girlfriend used to be a guy. ‘I have introduced her to my family and they are very happy for us. It’s great she is coming out as being transgender and pursuing a modelling career. She’s an inspiration to others.’

Talking about how she felt she was trapped in the wrong body as a male,
Amelia said:

‘I always knew I felt differently from other boys, but in Bangladesh people don’t talk about these kind of things. When I was back home I always tried my mum’s clothes on and put her make-up on when she was out. ‘I always liked it but I never had the courage to be out because my parents are very religious so I thought they would never ever accept it.

‘I was bullied at school for being feminine – I cried many nights wishing I could be different. ‘When they saw me for the first time with breasts it must have been very hard for them to understand. But they are my family and they love me no matter what.’

A self proclaimed god in Kenya died of mosquito bite.

According to reports, the self-proclaimed god who lived in Chemororoch village in Uasin Gishu County, western Kenya died from malaria on July 18 on his way to Cherangany Nursing Home in Kitale town. Standard Digital reports that although the family of the man claims their father, who is husband to many, is still alive, local administrators say Jehovah Wanyonyi passed away on July 18.

The leaders made it known that Wanyonyi died after falling “very sick”. “The family came to me for a burial permit after they claimed that Jehova Wanyonyi succumbed to illness on his way to Cherangany Nursing Home in Kitale town,” Kipsomba Chief Daniel Busienei told The Standard.

READ ALSO: Heartbreaking! Meet Ex-OAU Male Student Who Transformed To Woman (Photos)

Mr Busienei further revealed how the family requested a burial permit from him after leaving the hospital. “I told my assistant chief to issue them with a permit to allow the deceased family to lay him to rest,” said Busienei. However, the next day, Assistant Chief Paul Bett confirmed that he indeed gave the family the burial permit on July 19. “He died on July 18 on his way to the hospital and his son came for the permit the following day,” said Mr Bett.

When journalists visited the compound of the deceased self-proclaimed god, his 70 wives and children, were said to have gone violent, forcefully pursuing the newsmen out of their compound. They were said to have told the newsmen that they had no business in the compound and that their god, “mungu mwenye enzi” was safe. At first, there was speculation that Jehovah had been hospitalised in Cherangany before being transferred to Moi Teaching and Referral hospital (MTRH) in Eldoret.

Reports made it known that Wanyonyi, who also has an impressive number of followers in Uganda, had back problems four years ago. This has made him to be confined to a wheelchair at the home, where his followers say he has 70 wives, 500 children and more than 1,000 grandchildren. He was reported to have said that he brought HIV/AIDS to earth as a punishment to humanity for defying his commandments.  He claimed to be the Almighty God and deemed Jesus Christ to be his son.

TIMES IN LIFE

There will be times in your life wen you’re challenged, where nothing seems to be going right,
when tragedy strikes and you’re left to pick up the
pieces.
So keep watching your back and don't give up., keep moving forward