A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?"
"What! Are you crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.
"No! Someone might see us..."
"It's just a small blowjob," he insists, "and I know you like it."
"No! I said no!"
"Baby... don't be like that."
Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
nairabet
Sunday, June 12, 2016
BLOW HIM OR I DO
LOVE DRESS
A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit. When she arrives, she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. "What are you doing!" insists her mother. "Mom, it's my love dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.
A few weeks later, the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. Again, she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress! It keeps the marriage spicy!" "I'll give you a few more weeks," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.
Later that night, the mother decides to try it for herself. When her husband arrives home, she greets him at the front door in the nude. "Honey, what are hell are you doing!" remarks the husband. "It's my love dress, dear! What do you think of it?" "Well, to be perfectly honest," replies her husband, "I think you should have ironed it first!"
MY SCHOOL DAYS ARE OVER
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
LIKE A BABY
A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested.
"If you want to cancel the wedding, then I'll understand," she said. The guy remarked, "I don't mind that you're flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because he is just like a baby below the waist. The girl remarked, "I don't mind that like a baby below the
waist, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."
And so, the happy couple went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes. True to her word, she is as flat as a washboard. Then, the guy took
off his clothes. After one glance at his naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
When she regained consciousness, the guy said, "I told you before we got married, so why were you so surprised?"
"You told me it was just like a baby." The guy replied, "It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long!"
THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 2))
THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 2))
She looked into my eyes and released a cute smile, her dimple made a hole. I smiled back at her too. I dashed out of the compound. As I stood in front of the gate, a cab dropped a young girl in front the house. I recognised the face as the same thing I saw on the picture, this must be janet. I said to her “HI”. She just ignored, passed by and knock on the gate which the gate-man later opened. I said to my self. Chaiiiii, why this girl come rude and dey arrogant like this na? … … . Over the weekend, I had a fresh hair cut, a fresh perfume, a new 3 packs of shirt all ahead of my new job. I relocated to my own apartment in akure where I used to live before I left for service.
Finally, its monday, I went straight to my new job at 10am. “Ko ko ko”, I knocked on the gate, the gate-man opened, looked at me. He recognize me. Madam no dey around, “he replied” but madam say make aunty janet attend to you, aunty janet dey inside. I entered into the compound. Knock on the main door. “Ko ko ko”. Who is that?, a voice answered from inside. Its me onihaxy, I replied. She opened the door and stood at the entrance. **Chaiiiiii, janet was wearing a black round neck top, the Tips were pointing out, I guess she isn’t wearing a bra, she wore a micro mini skirt, she has an average height with a yam leg******* JANET: ****i guess she can’t recognize seeing me days back, well its normal sha, girls don’t recollect seeing guys but guy can always recollect seeing a lady at 12 midnight.****,who are u looking for?
ME: I am the new lesson teacher. Mummy told me to resume today.
JANET:, ****still not smiling**** really?, come in and have your seat……. Sikira!!!!!!!, where is this silly girl?, she screamed. **i thought in mind, this girl must be mean, see the wey she dey scream on this poor girl.**** sikira came out, she saw me sitting, she smiled at me and said “Hello sir”, I smiled back and said “hi”. Janet frowned at her and shouted at her, “pick this cup and get out of here, “. Sikira left and janet turned to me. I looked at her again and can’t believe she is 19. Her body shape looks 24. She is robust like “akebaje”. She sat down on the other chair, she smiled a little.
JANET: I’m sorry pls, that is just lazy, if I don’t shout at her, she will never work. So what is your name again?
ME: onihaxy JANET: ok, mummy already informed I and my brother that you will be coming around to tutor us. So let’s talk ME: ok
JANET: I hope you will tutor well because you will be the 4th teacher to be employed this year, they all are not good at teaching, and when I notice that you are not good, I will report you to mum and you will be fired.
ME: **my heart skip beats****, I am a good and born teacher, I will try my best. JANET: better. So let’s discuss the time table. Mummy said 5 times a week but I want it 3 or 4 times. And mummy must not know about this. Understood?
ME: ****no wonder you no pass jamb, lazy girl****. Ok, I replied
JANET: so what time and day will be ok for you?
ME: any day and time you fix is ok
JANET: anyday and time?. I thought you teach at a school? Or don’t you work elsewhere?
ME: ***chaiiiiiiii, this girl is rude oooo, see as she dey question me****, I used to teach when I served. I just passed out and still job hunting.
JANET: *raised eye brow* so you are a graduate?, you have served?, waaooooooh, I was thinking you are an NCE holder or school cert. That is interesting. She smiled.
ME: ***chaiii, see as my small stature dey embarrass me****. So what time will u prefer?
JANET: monday, Wednesday, friday and saturday. You will come at 2pm, teach me till 4pm when gideon will be back from school.
Then start with gideon from 4:30 to 6pm. Is that ok by you.
ME: its ok. So can we start today?.
JANET: no problem, will you wait behind? Or come back by 2pm?
ME: **thought***, I think I will come back. But where is mummy
JANET: don’t you know she will be at work? She is a banker and won’t be back untill 6:30pm or 7pm.
ME: **chaiii, this girl is naturally rude***, ok janet, I will be by 2pm.
JANET: wait, let me have your number just incase. ”Sikara!!!!!!!!!!!, bring my phone for me on my bed” she screamed.
Sikira came with the phone. Janet collected it from sikira while sikira is still standing there. She smiled at me again. JANET: call your number
ME: 0806323********
JANET: saved, ****she flashed my number*******
ME: I got it, let me be on my way, I will be back by 2pm.
She returned the phone to sikira to return, I left the compound, walked out to the gate. Just as I was outsited the gate, my phone ranged. I looked at the screen, it was an unknown number. I picked
ME: hello, who is this?
CALLER: its me sikirat, that is my number, save it. I will call you later, bye.***hanged up**** I got home wondering, what does sikirat wants from me?.
She must have memorised my number while I was calling it to janet. **fast forward***.
Its 1:30pm, I left my house and set out for my lesson job.
Amodu Shuaibu,SAID TO HAVE DIED OUT OF FRUSTRATION
Coach Amodu Shuaibu’s cousin who was with him throughout Friday, Ankari Afegbua, a lawyer said he believed his brother may have died out of frustration as he was owed by Edo state government and the Nigeria Football Federation.
“Apart from that pain he said he had on his chest, he was okay only for us to wake him up this morning to do the normal fasting and he was met dead. “I think he died out of frustration because his financial status was not okay.
MOST FOLLOWED CELEBRITIES ON INSTAGRAM
NAIJA DELTA MILITANTS DECLARE CEASEFIRE,GIVES THE GOVERNMENT CONDITION FOR PEACE
Minister of State for Petroleum, Dr. Ibe Kachikwu, disclosed this in Abuja, yesterday. According to him, the Federal Government is determined to explore the dialogue option, with a view to restoring genuine peace in the region, where oil production has been significantly hurt by activities of the Niger Delta Avengers, NDA, in the last two months. President Buhari He said: “The President is interested in dialogue and has mandated the military to halt actions for about two weeks to ensure a team that will be led by the NSA, dialogues with the militants to ensure peace in the region. This is coming as more oil companies in the Niger Delta have reviewed their operations, following
continued bombing of their facilities in Delta and Bayelsa states. Avenue open to militants, says Kachikwu ‘’The avenue is open for them, provided the militants are willing to embrace dialogue and allow truth to reign because we are going to involve key leaders from the region who have had previous experience in that area to play whatever role they can" More
Saturday, June 11, 2016
LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE
Many years ago, Norman Cousins was diagnosed as “terminally ill”. He was given six months to live. His chance for recovery was 1 in 500.
He could see the worry, depression and anger in his life contributed to, and perhaps helped cause, his disease. He wondered, “If illness can be caused by negativity, can wellness be created by positivity?”
He decided to make an experiment of himself. Laughter was one of the most positive activities he knew. He rented all the funny movies he could find – Keaton, Chaplin, Fields, the Marx Brothers. (This was before VCRs, so he had to rent the actual films.) He read funny stories. He asked his friends to call him whenever they said, heard or did something funny.
His pain was so great he could not sleep. Laughing for 10 solid minutes, he found, relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep.
He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy, healthy and productive years. (His journey is detailed in his book, Anatomy of an Illness.) He credits visualization, the love of his family and friends, and laughter for his recovery.
Some people think laughter is a waste of time. It is a luxury, they say, a frivolity, something to indulge in only every so often.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Laughter is essential to our equilibrium, to our well-being, to our aliveness. If we’re not well, laughter helps us get well; if we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.
So, if you like laughter, consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can. If you don’t like laughter, then take your medicine – laugh anyway.
Use whatever makes you laugh – movies, sitcoms, Monty Python, records, books, New Yorker cartoons, jokes, friends.
Give yourself permission to laugh – long and loud and out loud – whenever anything strikes you as funny. The people around you may think you’re strange, but sooner or later they’ll join in even if they don’t know what you’re laughing about.
Some diseases may be contagious, but none is as contagious as the cure. . . laughter
A TALE OF TWO PEBBLES
Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer’s beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer’s debt if he could marry his daughter.
Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven. If she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer’s field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Take a moment to ponder this. What would you recommend that the girl do?
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
“Oh, how clumsy of me!” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.”
The moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty. The girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.