A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you?re so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." Stunned, the young man says, "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her," she says.
A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?"
"What! Are you crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.
"No! Someone might see us..."
"It's just a small blowjob," he insists, "and I know you like it."
"No! I said no!"
"Baby... don't be like that."
Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit. When she arrives, she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. "What are you doing!" insists her mother. "Mom, it's my love dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.
A few weeks later, the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. Again, she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress! It keeps the marriage spicy!" "I'll give you a few more weeks," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.
Later that night, the mother decides to try it for herself. When her husband arrives home, she greets him at the front door in the nude. "Honey, what are hell are you doing!" remarks the husband. "It's my love dress, dear! What do you think of it?" "Well, to be perfectly honest," replies her husband, "I think you should have ironed it first!"
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested.
"If you want to cancel the wedding, then I'll understand," she said. The guy remarked, "I don't mind that you're flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because he is just like a baby below the waist. The girl remarked, "I don't mind that like a baby below the
waist, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."
And so, the happy couple went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes. True to her word, she is as flat as a washboard. Then, the guy took
off his clothes. After one glance at his naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
When she regained consciousness, the guy said, "I told you before we got married, so why were you so surprised?"
"You told me it was just like a baby." The guy replied, "It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long!"
THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 2))
She looked into my eyes and released a cute smile, her dimple made a hole. I smiled back at her too. I dashed out of the compound. As I stood in front of the gate, a cab dropped a young girl in front the house. I recognised the face as the same thing I saw on the picture, this must be janet. I said to her “HI”. She just ignored, passed by and knock on the gate which the gate-man later opened. I said to my self. Chaiiiii, why this girl come rude and dey arrogant like this na? … … . Over the weekend, I had a fresh hair cut, a fresh perfume, a new 3 packs of shirt all ahead of my new job. I relocated to my own apartment in akure where I used to live before I left for service.
Finally, its monday, I went straight to my new job at 10am. “Ko ko ko”, I knocked on the gate, the gate-man opened, looked at me. He recognize me. Madam no dey around, “he replied” but madam say make aunty janet attend to you, aunty janet dey inside. I entered into the compound. Knock on the main door. “Ko ko ko”. Who is that?, a voice answered from inside. Its me onihaxy, I replied. She opened the door and stood at the entrance. **Chaiiiiii, janet was wearing a black round neck top, the Tips were pointing out, I guess she isn’t wearing a bra, she wore a micro mini skirt, she has an average height with a yam leg******* JANET: ****i guess she can’t recognize seeing me days back, well its normal sha, girls don’t recollect seeing guys but guy can always recollect seeing a lady at 12 midnight.****,who are u looking for?
ME: I am the new lesson teacher. Mummy told me to resume today.
JANET:, ****still not smiling**** really?, come in and have your seat……. Sikira!!!!!!!, where is this silly girl?, she screamed. **i thought in mind, this girl must be mean, see the wey she dey scream on this poor girl.**** sikira came out, she saw me sitting, she smiled at me and said “Hello sir”, I smiled back and said “hi”. Janet frowned at her and shouted at her, “pick this cup and get out of here, “. Sikira left and janet turned to me. I looked at her again and can’t believe she is 19. Her body shape looks 24. She is robust like “akebaje”. She sat down on the other chair, she smiled a little.
JANET: I’m sorry pls, that is just lazy, if I don’t shout at her, she will never work. So what is your name again?
ME: onihaxy JANET: ok, mummy already informed I and my brother that you will be coming around to tutor us. So let’s talk ME: ok
JANET: I hope you will tutor well because you will be the 4th teacher to be employed this year, they all are not good at teaching, and when I notice that you are not good, I will report you to mum and you will be fired.
ME: **my heart skip beats****, I am a good and born teacher, I will try my best. JANET: better. So let’s discuss the time table. Mummy said 5 times a week but I want it 3 or 4 times. And mummy must not know about this. Understood?
ME: ****no wonder you no pass jamb, lazy girl****. Ok, I replied
JANET: so what time and day will be ok for you?
ME: any day and time you fix is ok
JANET: anyday and time?. I thought you teach at a school? Or don’t you work elsewhere?
ME: ***chaiiiiiiii, this girl is rude oooo, see as she dey question me****, I used to teach when I served. I just passed out and still job hunting.
JANET: *raised eye brow* so you are a graduate?, you have served?, waaooooooh, I was thinking you are an NCE holder or school cert. That is interesting. She smiled.
ME: ***chaiii, see as my small stature dey embarrass me****. So what time will u prefer?
JANET: monday, Wednesday, friday and saturday. You will come at 2pm, teach me till 4pm when gideon will be back from school.
Then start with gideon from 4:30 to 6pm. Is that ok by you.
ME: its ok. So can we start today?.
JANET: no problem, will you wait behind? Or come back by 2pm?
ME: **thought***, I think I will come back. But where is mummy
JANET: don’t you know she will be at work? She is a banker and won’t be back untill 6:30pm or 7pm.
ME: **chaiii, this girl is naturally rude***, ok janet, I will be by 2pm.
JANET: wait, let me have your number just incase. ”Sikara!!!!!!!!!!!, bring my phone for me on my bed” she screamed.
Sikira came with the phone. Janet collected it from sikira while sikira is still standing there. She smiled at me again. JANET: call your number
ME: 0806323********
JANET: saved, ****she flashed my number*******
ME: I got it, let me be on my way, I will be back by 2pm.
She returned the phone to sikira to return, I left the compound, walked out to the gate. Just as I was outsited the gate, my phone ranged. I looked at the screen, it was an unknown number. I picked
ME: hello, who is this?
CALLER: its me sikirat, that is my number, save it. I will call you later, bye.***hanged up**** I got home wondering, what does sikirat wants from me?.
She must have memorised my number while I was calling it to janet. **fast forward***.
Its 1:30pm, I left my house and set out for my lesson job.
