A GIRLS FIRST TIME

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

A CHRISTMAS TREE

A family is at the dinner table. 
The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20′s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30′s to 40′s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
 “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20′s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30′s and 40′s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50′s, it is like a Christmas Tree.”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes – the root’s dead and the balls are just for decoration.”

BACK ON MONDAY

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."

"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"

"You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, fuck him," said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Only God knows what he saw...

Anyways I need Mine

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

This is one of my #1 days of celebration

I use this medium to celebrate all Dads Today,cause they have great and positive  impacts in our lives...
We Love You Dads - All Around The World...

FATHERS CAN BE BEST FRIENDS...

Mine is...

BEST DANCE VINE EVER-TCWO

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by TCWO

THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 3))

THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 3))

Its 1:30pm, I left my house and set out for
my lesson job. I arrived at the white house,
knocked on the gate and the gateman
ushered me in.
I went straight to the main door entrance. A
heavy sound of. “I fit die ontop your matter”
was coming out of the room that no one
could hear me knocking. Then I remembered
I have janet’s number. I called her and no
one picked. I called sikirat that I’m outside,.
A minute later, the door was opened.
I entered and met janet on a pink top and a
bump short.

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by TCWO

 She was sweating, then I guess
she must have been dancing.
ME: hi jane, I’m here for the lesson,
JANET: “eeeehhmmm onihaxy” did I get it
right?
ME: yes

WHAT DO U CALL THAT !!!

Take a look at this.
A friend of mine, who is a VET
Did this to a DOG.
She has been asking If she should bring one down for me since I so much love Dogs,but that is no longer a dog.
Who would buy that...and not end up dead one day.

SAY MOO

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

SUCK'EM DRY

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you?re so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"