Tuesday, June 21, 2016

RANDOM 1




*Girl & boy go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl’s skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
The boy’s hand.

*Yesterday’s news: A blond jogging at the park was rapped.
Today’s news: Hundreds of blonds are jogging at the park!!

*Girl to Mom: When I see the neighbor’s son, my braa tightens.
Mom: Next time, don’t wear the bra, his pant would tighten.

*Q: What kind of bees make milk?

A: Boooo-bies

*A son went to a restaurant with his dad who was in his 70s. After a while, a girl with a rainbow colorful hair came in. The dad kept staring at the girl.
The girl got mad and said, “Hey old man, didn’t you do anything crazy when you were young?”
The dad replied, “I did, like f*cking a parrot and I was wondering if you were my daughter.”

*One evening, a wife drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devote they are? He kisses her everytime they meet. Why don’t you do that?”
“I would love to,” replied the husband, “but I don’t know her well enough.”
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by TCWO

THE WHALE

A male whale produces 8 – 9 thousand gallons of semen, and the female takes only 10% of it.

And you expect the sea water ‘not’ to be salty.
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by TCWO

HANDSAW

A construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. He spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the f–k is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”.
The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”
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by TCWO

IRON THIS

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”
She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.
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by TCWO

A GIRLS FIRST TIME

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

A CHRISTMAS TREE

A family is at the dinner table. 
The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20′s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30′s to 40′s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
 “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20′s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30′s and 40′s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50′s, it is like a Christmas Tree.”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes – the root’s dead and the balls are just for decoration.”

Monday, June 20, 2016

BACK ON MONDAY

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."

"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"

"You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, fuck him," said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

Sunday, June 19, 2016

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Only God knows what he saw...

Anyways I need Mine

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

This is one of my #1 days of celebration

I use this medium to celebrate all Dads Today,cause they have great and positive  impacts in our lives...
We Love You Dads - All Around The World...

FATHERS CAN BE BEST FRIENDS...

Mine is...

Thursday, June 16, 2016

THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 3))

THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 3))
Its 1:30pm, I left my house and set out for
my lesson job. I arrived at the white house,
knocked on the gate and the gateman
ushered me in.
I went straight to the main door entrance. A
heavy sound of. “I fit die ontop your matter”
was coming out of the room that no one
could hear me knocking. Then I remembered
I have janet’s number. I called her and no
one picked. I called sikirat that I’m outside,.
A minute later, the door was opened.
I entered and met janet on a pink top and a
bump short.
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by TCWO
 She was sweating, then I guess
she must have been dancing.
ME: hi jane, I’m here for the lesson,
JANET: “eeeehhmmm onihaxy” did I get it
right?
ME: yes

WHAT DO U CALL THAT !!!

Take a look at this.
A friend of mine, who is a VET
Did this to a DOG.
She has been asking If she should bring one down for me since I so much love Dogs,but that is no longer a dog.
Who would buy that...and not end up dead one day.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

SAY MOO

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

SUCK'EM DRY

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you?re so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

GUESS WHO

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." Stunned, the young man says, "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her," she says.

BLOW HIM OR I DO

A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?"

"What! Are you crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.

"No! Someone might see us..."

"It's just a small blowjob," he insists, "and I know you like it."

"No! I said no!"

"Baby... don't be like that."

Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."

LOVE DRESS

A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit. When she arrives, she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. "What are you doing!" insists her mother. "Mom, it's my love dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

A few weeks later, the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. Again, she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress! It keeps the marriage spicy!" "I'll give you a few more weeks," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

Later that night, the mother decides to try it for herself. When her husband arrives home, she greets him at the front door in the nude. "Honey, what are hell are you doing!" remarks the husband. "It's my love dress, dear! What do you think of it?" "Well, to be perfectly honest," replies her husband, "I think you should have ironed it first!"

MY SCHOOL DAYS ARE OVER

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

LIKE A BABY

A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested.

"If you want to cancel the wedding, then I'll understand," she said. The guy remarked, "I don't mind that you're flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because he is just like a baby below the waist. The girl remarked, "I don't mind that like a baby below the
waist, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."

And so, the happy couple went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes. True to her word, she is as flat as a washboard. Then, the guy took
off his clothes. After one glance at his naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.

When she regained consciousness, the guy said, "I told you before we got married, so why were you so surprised?"

"You told me it was just like a baby." The guy replied, "It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long!"

THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 2))

THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 2))
She looked into my eyes and released a cute smile, her dimple made a hole. I smiled back at her too. I dashed out of the compound. As I stood in front of the gate, a cab dropped a young girl in front the house. I recognised the face as the same thing I saw on the picture, this must be janet. I said to herHI”. She just ignored, passed by and knock on the gate which the gate-man later opened. I said to my self. Chaiiiii, why this girl come rude and dey arrogant like this na? … … . Over the weekend, I had a fresh hair cut, a fresh perfume, a new 3 packs of shirt all ahead of my new job. I relocated to my own apartment in akure where I used to live before I left for service.
Finally, its monday, I went straight to my new job at 10am. “Ko ko ko”, I knocked on the gate, the gate-man opened, looked at me. He recognize me. Madam no dey around, “he replied” but madam say make aunty janet attend to you, aunty janet dey inside. I entered into the compound. Knock on the main door. “Ko ko ko”. Who is that?, a voice answered from inside. Its me onihaxy, I replied. She opened the door and stood at the entrance. **Chaiiiiii, janet was wearing a black round neck top, the Tips were pointing out, I guess she isn’t wearing a bra, she wore a micro mini skirt, she has an average height with a yam leg******* JANET: ****i guess she can’t recognize seeing me days back, well its normal sha, girls don’t recollect seeing guys but guy can always recollect seeing a lady at 12 midnight.****,who are u looking for?
ME: I am the new lesson teacher. Mummy told me to resume today.
JANET:, ****still not smiling**** really?, come in and have your seat……. Sikira!!!!!!!, where is this silly girl?, she screamed. **i thought in mind, this girl must be mean, see the wey she dey scream on this poor girl.**** sikira came out, she saw me sitting, she smiled at me and said “Hello sir”, I smiled back and said “hi”. Janet frowned at her and shouted at her, “pick this cup and get out of here, “. Sikira left and janet turned to me. I looked at her again and can’t believe she is 19. Her body shape looks 24. She is robust like “akebaje”. She sat down on the other chair, she smiled a little.
JANET: I’m sorry pls, that is just lazy, if I don’t shout at her, she will never work. So what is your name again?
ME: onihaxy JANET: ok, mummy already informed I and my brother that you will be coming around to tutor us. So let’s talk ME: ok
JANET: I hope you will tutor well because you will be the 4th teacher to be employed this year, they all are not good at teaching, and when I notice that you are not good, I will report you to mum and you will be fired.
ME: **my heart skip beats****, I am a good and born teacher, I will try my best. JANET: better. So let’s discuss the time table. Mummy said 5 times a week but I want it 3 or 4 times. And mummy must not know about this. Understood?
ME: ****no wonder you no pass jamb, lazy girl****. Ok, I replied
JANET: so what time and day will be ok for you?
ME: any day and time you fix is ok
JANET: anyday and time?. I thought you teach at a school? Or don’t you work elsewhere?
ME: ***chaiiiiiiii, this girl is rude oooo, see as she dey question me****, I used to teach when I served. I just passed out and still job hunting.
JANET: *raised eye brow* so you are a graduate?, you have served?, waaooooooh, I was thinking you are an NCE holder or school cert. That is interesting. She smiled.
ME: ***chaiii, see as my small stature dey embarrass me****. So what time will u prefer?
JANET: monday, Wednesday, friday and saturday. You will come at 2pm, teach me till 4pm when gideon will be back from school.
Then start with gideon from 4:30 to 6pm. Is that ok by you.
ME: its ok. So can we start today?.
JANET: no problem, will you wait behind? Or come back by 2pm?
ME: **thought***, I think I will come back. But where is mummy
JANET: don’t you know she will be at work? She is a banker and won’t be back untill 6:30pm or 7pm.
ME: **chaiii, this girl is naturally rude***, ok janet, I will be by 2pm.
JANET: wait, let me have your number just incase. ”Sikara!!!!!!!!!!!, bring my phone for me on my bed” she screamed.
Sikira came with the phone. Janet collected it from sikira while sikira is still standing there. She smiled at me again. JANET: call your number
ME: 0806323********
JANET: saved, ****she flashed my number*******
ME: I got it, let me be on my way, I will be back by 2pm.
She returned the phone to sikira to return, I left the compound, walked out to the gate. Just as I was outsited the gate, my phone ranged. I looked at the screen, it was an unknown number. I picked
ME: hello, who is this?
CALLER: its me sikirat, that is my number, save it. I will call you later, bye.***hanged up**** I got home wondering, what does sikirat wants from me?.
She must have memorised my number while I was calling it to janet. **fast forward***.
Its 1:30pm, I left my house and set out for my lesson job.

Amodu Shuaibu,SAID TO HAVE DIED OUT OF FRUSTRATION

http://ritanzz.blogspot.com/2016/06/amodu-shuaibusaid-to-have-died-out-of.html


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by TCWO

Coach Amodu Shuaibu’s cousin who was with him throughout Friday, Ankari Afegbua, a lawyer said he believed his brother may have died out of frustration as he was  owed by Edo state government and the Nigeria Football Federation.



 “Apart from that pain he said he had on his chest, he was okay only for us to wake him up this morning to do the normal fasting and he was met dead. “I think he died out of frustration because his financial status was not okay.

MOST FOLLOWED CELEBRITIES ON INSTAGRAM

Social media has become a tool for activism as it is an intersection of technology, culture and global  interaction. Reports across the world say that Instagram happens to be the fastest growing social media site at the moment with more than 400million users. However, most users have popular accounts which they follow for different reasons. JOAN OMIONAWELE examines the 10 most followed Nigerian celebrities and reasons  they drive traffic to their pages daily.
Nigerian popstar, David Adeleke, also known as Davido leads the league of the most followed Nigerian celebrities on  Instagram with over 2.3million followers,  while Ayo Balogun, aka Wizkid follows with about 1.9million followers.

NAIJA DELTA MILITANTS DECLARE CEASEFIRE,GIVES THE GOVERNMENT CONDITION FOR PEACE

Few days ago at ABUJA —President Muhammadu Buhari has ordered the military to suspend operations in the Niger Delta for two weeks to create a window for dialogue with militants.


 Minister of State for Petroleum, Dr. Ibe Kachikwu, disclosed this in Abuja, yesterday. According to him, the Federal Government is determined to explore the dialogue option, with a view to restoring genuine peace in the region, where oil production has been significantly hurt by activities of the Niger Delta Avengers, NDA, in the last two months. President Buhari He said: “The President is interested in dialogue and has mandated the military to halt actions for about two weeks to ensure a team that will be led by the NSA, dialogues with the militants to ensure peace in the region. This is coming as more oil companies in the Niger Delta have reviewed their operations, following
continued bombing of their facilities in Delta and Bayelsa states. Avenue open to militants, says Kachikwu ‘’The avenue is open for them, provided the militants are willing to embrace dialogue and allow truth to reign because we are going to involve key leaders from the region who have had previous experience in that area to play whatever role they can" More

 

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by TCWO
WINDOW FOR DIALOGUE


The Joint Niger Delta Liberation Force (JNDLF), which emerged in solidarity with the Niger Delta Avengers (NDA) a few weeks ago, has announced a ceasefire following Federal Government’s offer of a dialogue.
JNDLF had threatened to blow up aircraft through the launch of anti-aircraft missiles as part of planned effort to shut the country’s airspace.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

http://ritanzz.blogspot.com/2016/06/laughter-is-best-medicine.html

Many years ago, Norman Cousins was diagnosed as “terminally ill”. He was given six months to live. His chance for recovery was 1 in 500.
He could see the worry, depression and anger in his life contributed to, and perhaps helped cause, his disease. He wondered, “If illness can be caused by negativity, can wellness be created by positivity?”
He decided to make an experiment of himself. Laughter was one of the most positive activities he knew. He rented all the funny movies he could find – Keaton, Chaplin, Fields, the Marx Brothers. (This was before VCRs, so he had to rent the actual films.) He read funny stories. He asked his friends to call him whenever they said, heard or did something funny.
His pain was so great he could not sleep. Laughing for 10 solid minutes, he found, relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep.
He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy, healthy and productive years. (His journey is detailed in his book, Anatomy of an Illness.) He credits visualization, the love of his family and friends, and laughter for his recovery.
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by TCWO

Some people think laughter is a waste of time. It is a luxury, they say, a frivolity, something to indulge in only every so often.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Laughter is essential to our equilibrium, to our well-being, to our aliveness. If we’re not well, laughter helps us get well; if we are well, laughter helps us stay that way.
 
Since Cousins’ ground-breaking subjective work, scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body, the mind and the emotions.
So, if you like laughter, consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can. If you don’t like laughter, then take your medicine – laugh anyway.
Use whatever makes you laugh – movies, sitcoms, Monty Python, records, books, New Yorker cartoons, jokes, friends.
http://ritanzz.blogspot.com/2016/06/laughter-is-best-medicine.html

Give yourself permission to laugh – long and loud and out loud – whenever anything strikes you as funny. The people around you may think you’re strange, but sooner or later they’ll join in even if they don’t know what you’re laughing about.
Some diseases may be contagious, but none is as contagious as the cure. . . laughter


 

A TALE OF TWO PEBBLES


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by TCWO
Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer’s beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer’s debt if he could marry his daughter.
Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.

If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven. If she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer’s field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Take a moment to ponder this. What would you recommend that the girl do?
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
“Oh, how clumsy of me!” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.”
The moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty. The girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

THE SAD CANDLE

A man had a little daughter, an only and much beloved child. He lived only for her, she was his life. So when she became ill and her illness resisted the efforts of the best obtainable physicians, he became like a man possessed, moving heaven and earth to bring about her restoration to health.
His best efforts proved fruitless, however, and the child died.
The father was totally irreconcilable. He became a bitter recluse, shutting himself away from his many friends, refusing every activity that might restore his poise and bring him back to his normal self.
www.ritanzz.blogspot.com
The Sad Candle

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by TCWO
Then one night he had a dream. He was in heaven and witnessing a grand pageant of all the little child angels. They were marching in an apparently endless line past the Great White Throne. Every white-robed, angelic tot carried a candle. He noticed, however, that one child’s candle was not lit. Then he saw that the child with the dark candle was his own little girl. Rushing towards her, while the pageant faltered, he seized her in his arms, caressed her tenderly, and asked, “How is that your candle is the only one not lit?” “Father, they often relight it, but your tears always put it out again,” she said.
Just then he awoke from from his dream.

The lesson was crystal clear, and it’s effects were immediate. From that hour on he was no longer a recluse, but mingled freely and cheerfully with his former friends and associates. No longer would his little darling’s candle be extinguished by his useless tears.

HOMELESS MAN JOHN



This evening as I was leaving Shoprite, I noticed this man going through the garbage can outside of the store.

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by TCWO
 As I walked to my car I watched him as he reached in the garbage can and pulled out fast food trash bags and inspected all that was in the thrown away bags. He did this for several minutes. He would find a few fries in one bag and a bite or two of a hamburger in another bag. You can see the hamburger wrapper by his knee where he was placing the food items he’d found.
He never bothered anyone or tried to stop and beg for money as people entered and left the store. After he went through the entire trash can he neatly cleaned up the area and wrapped up the food he found in the dirty hamburger wrapper. My heart literally hurt for him. I am not someone who just hands out money or even helps homeless people because so many are not truly homeless. I don’t guess I’ve ever seen someone actually go through a garbage can to try to find food to eat.


HOMELESS MAN
I knew I had to help him. I got out of my car and asked him if I could buy him something to eat. He told me he would appreciate anything I could get him. He was on a bike and I told him if he’d follow me I’d buy him a meal at the fast food place around the block. He followed me and I bought him the biggest meal they had on the menu. The only request he gave me for his order was if I could get him a big glass of sweet tea to go with his meal!

ONLY GREY HAIRS

The child and his mother:

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 1))

THE TALE OF A PRIVATE LESSON TEACHER ((EPISODE 1))

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by TCWO
Just a mere fiction and i trust u gonna love
it..
passing out parade has come and gone, I
will definitely miss my
friends, my PPA, my environment in ota, a
lot of thoughts were running through my
mind as I was packing and
arranging my loads. I begin to ask myself,
“after service year then what next?”.
I had tried to apply for jobs during my
service year but I couldn’t get a befitting
job. My friends that were born with a silver
spoon had jobs waiting for them at home,
“Which kind wahala be this?”, I picked my
bag, board a bus to
akure. On getting home, my family and
neighbours welcomed me, it was as if a
white man came on a visit. People asking
me questions, some were greeting, some
were asking for what I
brought.
As days rolled by, I begin to search for what
to do, I moved round the town to see if I
could get a job somewhere.
One day while I was passing by on the 3rd
street, I saw a woman coming out of a
mighty duplex, the house was painted
white,. She was pasting a notice on her gate
as I was passing by. I moved closer to see
the what she was pasting,and on it I saw ”
A home lesson teacher wanted URGENTLY”.
Chaiii, I ignored at first and moved on. After
walking about 8 steps. I stopped and think.
***** why I go refuse this job na?, dem be
rich people ooo, so
dem fit pay.*****,

THE MANAGEMENT OF NYSC HAS DISMISSED THE REPORT THAT THE SCHEME HAS BEEN SCRAPPED

The management of National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) has dismissed the report that the scheme has been scrapped, describing it as a malicious and mischievous rumour.

Reacting to the report on the scrapping of the scheme which trended at the weekend, the management insisted that there is no iota of truth in the report, announcing that the 2016 Batch ‘A’ (Stream II) Orientation course will commence soon.

“Our attention has been drawn to the report trending that NYSC has been scrapped. We want to emphatically say that there is no truth in such report. That rumour must be a mischievous one.

“The management wishes to inform prospective Corps members that, based on the assurance received from the Federal Government regarding release of funds, the 2016 Batch ‘A’ (Stream II) Orientation course will commence soon.

Prospective Corps members are, therefore, requested to watch out for specific date for commencement of the exercise, which will be announced as soon as all necessary logistics are put in place.

Management empathizes with the affected prospective Corps members, and appeals for continued patience even as all efforts on the matter are fast yielding results,” the released noted.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Things Nigerian single ladies do when in need of boyfriends


 ITS A PITY

Fellow ladies in the house, if you would be offended with anything of the things you would be reading here, please pardon us. We are only trying to call your attention to some of the things you do in the society in a bid to make you change your ways. Really, being single could become lonely at times; you may feel completely left out when you do not have a man to call your own. Your friends may not be helping you with their constant change of display pictures and boo bae. And the Saturday ‘owanbes’ may distract you for a while and put you in a desperate situation. Yes, we understand the pressure you may be going through when you do not have a boyfriend and everyone expects you to be in a serious relationship. Always remember that there is a time for everything and all these things that bother you would become a thing of the past in due season. Many single ladies have put themselves in terrible situations as a result of their desperation when it comes to being in a relationship. For ladies like these, it is always all over them that they need a boyfriend; they cannot get it off their mind and most times, they end up falling into the wrong hands. Find below some of the things ladies do that would make you know they are in dire needs of boyfriends: 

1. Wearing clothes that are not comfortable

Okay, we get the part of ladies dressing to follow the fashion trend, we also understand that everyone wants to look good and classy at all times. However, wearing clothes that are too tight for comfort is not the best way to go at it. Some single ladies love to wear clothes that would choke them and not allow them eat, mere looking at them, you can sense their discomfort in those outfits. To recognize the single ladies that are in need of boyfriends, they would always crave attention wherever they go. The tight clothes would no doubt make heads turn but they also have to worry about eating in order not to make their stomach bulge out of their tight dresses.

 2. Bleaching






 Thankfully, the society is starting to accept the fact that black is beautiful. Most ladies in the society want to be like ‘oyinbo’, it is pathetic seeing these ladies denature their skin cells all because they want to be fair skinned. A man who would like you will do irrespective of your color. The laughable thing is many of these girls do not buy the right cream so they end of bleaching one ear and leaving the other one. Although they may be hunting for boyfriends, the moment the men see the uneven patches on their skin, they already cast them.

 3. Exposure of vital body parts


 If you are not trying to gain some man’s attention why would you walk around the street half naked? Many single ladies love to expose their boobs and blame it on the style or cutting of the fabric they wear. Why would you wear a cloth with low bust cutting? There are ladies who are sassy and highly respected in the society; they know the trend and do not bare their bodies in order to look more beautiful. Another crazy thing to be noted is the way these ladies pull down their short dresses in a bid to cover their thighs. If there is nothing wrong with the outfit they need not pull it down.

 4. They are party lovers


Now there is nothing wrong in being a party lover; however, most of these single ladies know they are most likely to run into men at places like that. Ladies who are desperate and in dire need of boyfriends do not miss out on any of those much talked about parties and awards. They do whatever would make men notice them. When men notice this, they would end up flowing with the tide and playing on them.

                               5. When they propose to crash at a man’s place
  
   

Now some single ladies are shameless; they have little or no integrity left when it comes to certain issues. Some of these desperate ladies in the society would blatantly tell men they want to sleep over at their places. Why would you be willing to sleep over in a man’s house when he is not your boyfriend or your family member? The society should stop putting the blame on men when it comes to sexual misconduct; some women actually put themselves in compromising positions. Anything could happen overnight!


  6. Using nude pictures as DPs

 


Single ladies who are desperately looking for boyfriends believe in flaunting what they have; they are the ladies that would post nude pictures of themselves on Instagram and Twitter.
 As expected, they have lots of followers on their social pages because men love cheap things. When you put up unclad pictures of yourself,  you do not expect responsible men to walk up to you and propose.
 The likes of the men you would attract are those who practice ‘hit and run’. When these ladies finally hook up with some unlucky men when they want to settle down, they go on and delete those social media pages.
 Note that the internet is the last place you need to put your shit; it does not go even when you have cleaned up.

 7. Tattoo and piercings
 
Nigeria cannot be compared to western countries; there are some things that the society has not accepted.
 Tattoo is one of these things. A woman who has every part of her body covered in tattoo is not considered responsible. As a matter of fact, some men do not like it when their women have tattoos all over them. Piercing of some body parts do not appeal to most of the men we have here.
 The single ladies in the society who are desperate do these and reduce their chances of winning the hearts of responsible and eligible men.


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by TCWO