Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
nairabet
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
6 CANDY BARS AT A TIME
GBESE BY LIL KESH
As I bounced entered d Exam hall,I had just one
prayer on my mind which is God pls let me sit near
a person that knows book,cos d stupid boy i told to
send me the answers on my phone looks lyk who
doesn't have sense.God finaly answered my
prayer,d girl dat i sat with was an Albino &she wore
eyeglass dat has rope,so i knew for sure dat she
know book wella.As d paper started,dis girl started
to misbehave o.She was just covering her
answer,but me as a sharp guy,i was spying d
answer from 1 deadly angle.when it remain just 5
minutes to go,this girl caught me copyin her
&started shouting @ me,but i just i ignored
her,since i had almost copied finish.d next thing that
i heard was my phone's message tune.This guy has
finally sent d answer,i sighed & then told the
invigilator to give Me a fresh answer booklet. I then
tore d 1 dat i copied frm d albino girl &used the
paper to stone Her.I kept d fresh booklet on top my
table & used 1 style to open d message,i saw
"To download GBESE by Lil Kesh, text 48 to 4900 - From
Mtn". Don't laugh alone.. Share!.
GBESE BY LIL KESH
As I bounced entered d Exam hall,I had just one
prayer on my mind which is God pls let me sit near
a person that knows book,cos d stupid boy i told to
send me the answers on my phone looks lyk who
doesn't have sense.God finaly answered my
prayer,d girl dat i sat with was an Albino &she wore
eyeglass dat has rope,so i knew for sure dat she
know book wella.As d paper started,dis girl started
to misbehave o.She was just covering her
answer,but me as a sharp guy,i was spying d
answer from 1 deadly angle.when it remain just 5
minutes to go,this girl caught me copyin her
&started shouting @ me,but i just i ignored
her,since i had almost copied finish.d next thing that
i heard was my phone's message tune.This guy has
finally sent d answer,i sighed & then told the
invigilator to give Me a fresh answer booklet. I then
tore d 1 dat i copied frm d albino girl &used the
paper to stone Her.I kept d fresh booklet on top my
table & used 1 style to open d message,i saw
"To download GBESE by Lil Kesh, text 48 to 4900 - From
Mtn". Don't laugh alone.. Share!.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Sunday, March 13, 2016
NOW WE RUN
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching Little Johnny's efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which Little Johnny replies, "Now we run!"
FUNERAL VAN
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again.
You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.
"The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
Saturday, March 12, 2016
PLEASE WHERE RAIN GO!!!
Abeg na beg I dey beg
Rain
Fall na,make some guys no dey do this for my side...
IF ORENTE NO COMPLAIN,FAMILY WOULD
Orente is just a consolation song for lazy broke guys,If she no complain.
Family go skin you alive.
Friday, March 11, 2016
3 FEET TALL
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." the man from the limousine said excitedly. "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied, "No, thank you... the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!"
I DON'T WANT YOUR DAUGHTER
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!"
A WANTED MAN
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
NO WOMAN CAN GET READY IN TEN MINUTES
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss.
My wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck.
Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
THE DAME STORE
It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the damn store!"
NATURE'S IMAGINATION
"I think nature's imagination Is so much greater than man's, she's never going to let us relax."
- Richard Feynman
YOU FORGOT MY TOAST
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)